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The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away

Tom Waits "Step Right Up" Lyrics

Step right up, step right up, step right up,Everyone's a winner, bargains galoreThat's right, you too can be the proud ownerOf the quality goes in before the name goes onOne-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after salesYou need perfume? we got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,Something for the little lady, hmmThree for a dollarWe got a year-end clearance, we got a white saleAnd a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away todayAct now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to youThey come in all colors, one size fits allNo muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgeryEverything must go, going out of business, going out of businessGoing out of business saleFifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle manDon't settle for lessHow do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volumeNow you've heard it advertised, don't hesitateDon't be caught with your drawers down,Don't be caught with your drawers downYou can step right up, step right upThat's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawnAnd it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from schoolIt gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthensAnd it finds that slipper that's been at largeunder the chaise lounge for several weeksAnd it plays a mean Rhythm Master,It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collarAnd it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up'Cause it forges your signatureIf not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of productFor complete refund of price of purchaseStep right upPlease allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitationsYou can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in itSwim in it, sleep in it,Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in itRemoves embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's rightAnd it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquetTired of being the life of the party?Change your shorts, change your life, change your lifeChange into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,And it walks your dog, and it doubles on saxDoubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligatorSee you later alligatorAnd it steals your carIt gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smokingIt's a friend, and it's a companion,And it's the only product you will ever needFollow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironingWell it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a jobAnd it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,And it gives you denture breathAnd you know it's a friend, and it's a companionAnd it gets rid of your traveler's checksIt's new, it's improved, it's old-fashionedWell it takes care of business, never needs winding,Never needs winding, never needs windingGets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protectionIt gives you an erection, it wins the electionWhy put up with painful corns any longer?It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your homeWe got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteedHow do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do itWe need your business, we're going out of businessWe'll give you the businessGet on the business end of our going-out-of-business saleReceive our free brochure, free brochureRead the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not includedSend before midnight tomorrow, terms available,Step right up, step right up, step right upYou got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh awayStep right up, you can step right up, you can step right upC'mon step right up(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'monStep right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,C'mon and step right up

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